I recently read a book about money that changed my perspective on Imposter syndrome. And because we don’t gatekeep over here, I wanted to share.
The book in question is Nafisa Bakkar’s How to make money – a brilliant, and very practical, guide to building a business. One chapter in particular; The myth of imposter syndrome, completely reframed my outlook on this oft talked about source of anxiety for many a minority. So here are some summaries of that chapter alongside some thoughts of my own.
It’s a you problem:
Imposter syndrome is the phenomenon of self doubt of ones abilities in (usually) career endeavors, the feeling of being undeserving of accolades, despite the very apparent talent and capability that warrants said accolades.
I recently attended an event with author of widely popular book Babel; Rebecca F Kuang, and of course, when the Q&A came around, a question of how she dealt with imposter syndrome was raised. It’s become a little bit of a cliché almost, the question of imposter syndrome being put to women and/or ethnic minorities that have enjoyed some form of success. And I guess I understand why it’s such a topic of conversation. It helps to put a name to that weird feeling of living on the periphery, of feeling like you don’t belong or that you’re a fraud, especially as a woman or minority.
But is the common understanding of imposter syndrome as a personal deficit, a feeling an individual feels irrespective of external factors, really an accurate understanding of it? Bakkar’s chapter argues otherwise. And I would have to agree.
Imposter syndrome is not a me problem, its an external problem. Not in that I shouldn’t take any personal responsibility for trying to work on myself, but because framing imposter syndrome as a solely personal issue places the burden of fixing it entirely on the individual. It absolves everyone else; businesses, governments and other institutions. It takes away the structural inequalities that render minorities with a lower footing in the first place. It absolves said businesses and institutions from taking active steps to combat those inequalities.
I remember when I attended my Law Society graduation ceremony when I became a solicitor, there weren’t that many women that looked like me; a hijab wearing brown Muslim woman. And in that moment, I definitely felt like an outsider. But rather than feeling like an anomaly, doubting whether I deserved to be a solicitor, maybe the question should be why is a certain demographic less likely to attain that coveted title of a qualified solicitor; especially when the talent and ability is out there. And maybe the question should be, are higher institutions, or the law society, doing anything to provide more opportunities and combat those inequalities.
Overall, isolating imposter syndrome to a purely personal defficiency completely depoliticizes the issue. Whilst working on one’s self, skills and confidence should be a priority, external factors also play a role in feeling like an outsider, and by recognizing that there are external factors outside of your control removes some of that overwhelming burden of fixing that feeling of being unworthy.
Its not a syndrome, I AM an imposter:
It’s not a syndrome, something I’ve concocted in my head, a feeling that I just need to shrug off; maybe I feel like an imposter because in certain spaces, I AM an imposter. I am the only one that looks like me or has the background I have; of being a minority; visible muslim, coming from inner city London, growing up in council housing and attending state schools. Do the structures currently in power exist for people like me to succeed?
Additionally, my religious and cultural norms do make me different in some ways to the majority. But rather than seeing this as an obstacle, maybe its time to embrace it. For example, a few years ago, I was volunteering at the UN global summit to end sexual violence in conflict. There were other highly accomplished barristers also there. We were all having lunch and my mum called me, as mums do for the usual caring reasons, checking if im ok, if I had something to eat etc etc. In that moment, I felt embarrassed, unproffessional even, the barrsiters saw ‘mum’ come up on the screen as the phone rang. No one elses mum was calling them. Now I look back and I ask myself, why did I feel that way. Its normal for me that my mum calls often, multiple times throughout the day, as I think is normal with Bengali mums. That’s my culture. That’s my norm. It might be weird for others, who talk to their parents only on weekends, but for me, its normal, so who cares that it might be perceived as weird for others.
Its not always imposter syndrome:
Maybe that feeling that you might jump to as being imposter syndrome isn’t that; maybe its other things, for example, learning and growing pains. Whenever I attempt something for the first time, an essay lets say, I tend to be overcome by hesitation, procrastinating even to avoid starting. But once I push through those initial feelings, the essay is well under way. Once you start, master and even get better at the thing in question, the self doubt tends to organically fade way. Additionally, before prematurely diagnosing the problem as imposter syndrome, maybe there are steps that can be taken to improve the self doubt, such as, honing your craft. If its writing for example, one way to get better at writing is to write more, you will improve from consistency; compound effect and all that.
Overall, we are each deserving of the small space we take up in this world. We are deserving of the accolades we earn, accolades that we might actually have to work twice as hard for compared to our White or more wealthy counterparts. Does it really matter if someone might be surprised to see me in a space they may perceive as typicallly theirs; no, not really. It’s my space too now.
